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Oh hello again fellow artists...
I am sure you were wondering where the hell i have been so far.
The answer is,nowhere.I didn't go absoultely anywhere.I just needed to be left alone...it had become very stressful for me to be here...it's all my fault i,don't blame any of you (expect for a few assholes i don't want to have anything to do with again,but that doesn't matter)...let me explain...
The thing is,i had been accepting a lot of tasks...recieving a considerable amount of gifts...getting tons of messages everyday...
It was too much.God,i have 42 FUCKING unread notes! Some awesome artists made me beautiful drawings,but i started not answering to them anymore or pretend i didn't see...i know it's retarded,but i felt scared of answering,because they might have thought i didn't MEAN what i said.That if i said i loved the drawing they would think i was just answering not to seem rude and that i didn't actually like it.Yeah i know,it's stupid.
People had also asked me to do stuff for them,but i never managed.I accpeted to do too many things...it got sterrful,and plus,i didn't manage to draw shit because i was afraid they would not look good enough.I have not been drawing as good lately,and not as much.Drawing makes me feel terrible sometimes because i can't even make simple things that one should be able to do,because i am rarely happy with what i make,and that tears me down even more.I have so many projects for my characters and ask blogs but i can't do shit like this! If my drawing sucks no one's gonna like it for shit! I want to do something WELL made.And i can't come up with good stories anymore...i have so many stories i can't complete...i don't want to wait anymore.All my friends got popular and forgot about me,they improved...i didn't do shit...i need to start with my projects as soon as i can.
I also had an art trade with the girlfriend of who was at the time my favorite artist.She made her part,and it was awesome.What about me?Didn't do shit.Everything i drew sucked a thousand horse dicks.It would have just been a huge disappointment.The poor girl kept sending me messages telling me she was still waiting for my part,but i wasn't even brave enough to read most of them.Also a friend of hers,a great brony musician i always liked,asked me to draw a cover for one of his tracks.I made it,he said he loved it and was proud of me,but he never used it.She probably told him how much of an asshole i am and they made me pay for it...they probably all hate me now...the people who were my idols hate me.I couldn't even imagine getting my ass back here...
Plus,everything was going like shit over here...so you know i moved to a new country,and i don't know the language too well...i got to a new school,and things have not been going too well for me.No one was interested in helping me,being friends with me,nor was i able to ever overcome my anxiety and ask for help or friendship...i felt lost and i started doing pretty bad things...i made my parents feel like shit,my mother cry everyday...
I have been seeing a therapist,and i feel better now.I moved to a new school,and i am starting to get friends...i think.My boyfriend helped me so much...i don't know if i would have managed without him...if it wasn't for him,shit would be still the same for me.He's the best...
But yeah,i am here now...
So now,all i think i need to do is to just work on what i want.My biggest mistake was to care too much about people...it's time for me to learn be more selfish.I'll work on my projects,draw,paint and shit...this is about ME,not you.I don't care if you're not going to forgive me for my actions.I really don't...all i want is to become a good artist and even get a living with it if it's possible...that's make me the happiest person.
I don't mean it in a bad way...as i said,i don't blame YOU.It was all MY mistake.And i want to sincerely apologize for how i acted and for being a coward.
But still,if you don't want to forgive me,you can even go and suck a thousand horse dicks.I'm not ever going to care.

I think i'll get myself a new account...i want to change my name.And at the moment i can only draw traditionally...i changed my Mac's os and now my Photoshop CS2 wont work anymore with it... ;-;
so i'll have to wait until i can afford a more recent version.

Love you guys.

deviantID

the--Cloudsmasher's Profile Picture
the--Cloudsmasher
just call me Smashie
Italy

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:iconriiko96:
Riiko96 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Student Digital Artist
:iconcryforeverplz:
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:iconinmydefence:
InMyDefence Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
What could have possibly happened to make you delete your entire gallery? I really liked your style... I only have a few of your pics saved to my computer, but now I wish I had em all. I can't find them anywhere else.
Reply
:icondeadsmile0:
DeadSmile0 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014
Go to the gallery and then press "All" insted of Featured at the top left c:
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:iconinmydefence:
InMyDefence Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh! Thank you... Wow, yeah, I'm still impressed by her work. Why isn't she arting anymore ;-;
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:icondeadsmile0:
DeadSmile0 Featured By Owner May 31, 2014
Please don't leave us :c We love your art! and you!
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:iconpepperedsoda:
PepperedSoda Featured By Owner May 22, 2014   Artist
no deviations? (YES IM AN ALICORN IF YOU DARE MARY SUE ME I WILL BUTTFUCK YOUR SOUL)
Reply
:iconscorpio0118:
Scorpio0118 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014
Hi, I don't know if you're still here at all but do you remember that blog you "allowed" me to create? Is that character mine at this point? I want to comission some work of him but if I don't "own" him, I won't. And if you do know who's he is if not mine, could you help me contact them so they can take what is rightfully theirs?
And yes, I want this as a comment so if you never respond, maybe someone else will.
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:iconoas105:
oas105 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014
are you still alive? ;c
Reply
:iconreyriders:
Reyriders Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Artist

Just something I made for you :)

reyriders.deviantart.com/art/S…

 

Enjoy!

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:iconrabbitmaskedman:
rabbitmaskedman Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Dude, we miss the shit out of you. Where did you go?
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